PERSONAL: Coming Out... Again

Centuries ago, Marcus Aurelius wrote,

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

 The concepts and ideals of god - omnipotent, everlasting, triune, one, many, pleasing god, loving god, finding favor with god, listening to god's call, et cetera ad nauseam  - influence the vast majority of human kind. I dare say a single human being lives and dies without facing the concept of an eternal, almighty creator, mostly not of their own free will, so to speak. Multitudinous variables exist as to the essence of god, and if taken at their bedrock claims discriminate widely between what may or may not be held as truth by the faithful coherent.

But as I often tell my students, we must go slow in order to go fast. Thus, in order to ensure the consistency of this post, I am taking a backward step.



P.K. and "The Call"
(For those unfamiliar with my background, this section will likely seem unnecessary. However, the converse is true for those familiar with my background, seeking philosophical closure.)

At age 16, my home church at the time licensed me to "gospel ministry." (For those unfamiliar, this usually precedes an eventual ordination in many faith traditions.) Like my father before me, I deciphered a "call" of god on my life into some form of ministerial vocation. Aided by the rural nature of my North Mississippi hometown, I utilized the good-ole-boy network to begin speaking and preaching around the area. This habit continued into my first years of college and the Marine Corps.

Stymied for a period of years following an extremely viral incident involving the pastor and members of a local, Southern Baptist church in Beaufort, SC around the time of my coming out, I stepped away from organized church. During this period, I fell off the religious grid, but I never lost my underlying faith. Part of my coming to terms with being gay involved the determination, through diligent study of the ancient texts, that being gay was not only NOT condemned by the Bible; the Bible actually said nothing of relevance to modern understandings of sexual orientation. Eventually, the emotional wounds healed. And, in late 2007, I began the search for another organized body of Christian believers.

Within months of returning to an actual church, three things became evident. My new-found church family consisted of profoundly good people with whom I formed extremely close bonds to some. My beliefs about Christianity reflected a far more generous, read liberal, sensibility. I was completely convinced that the discussed, previous "call" had returned and began exploring Masters of Divinity programs.

I will save a lengthy explanation of what I came to realize that "call of god" to actually be in my life. Suffice to say, the desire to be an educator, to dedicate myself to the service of others, to convince others to seek the good, each heavily contributed to this emotion, and despite a wide array of life experiences, my schema for this combination defined only a "call of god."

To the Present... and the Future
As an ardent fan of Mark Twain, I think his words offer a fitting preface to this section.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life, hence it is a valuable possession to him.

This provides the best moment to dispense of anticipation and move boldly forward in a new chapter of my life - a life without god. Oh, I will certainly be surrounded by ideations of god, as I do live in America, belong to an intensely Christian family, count many kith-and-kin from within the communities of religious faith, and possess a genuine interest in the history of religious tradition. I do not begrudge anyone their faith, unless it impinges on the moral well-being or civil rights of others. (Then, I will fight such "faith" with stout vehemence.) I completely understand the beauty of faith and the warmth of believing in an eternal and conscious state of blissful rest. Still, I neither want for comfort in death nor any longer embrace belief in any ethereal being, ruling from outside time and space. (To put any questions to rest, I do not believe in the demonic opposite of god either.)

Doubtless, many religious believers will wonder how I can explain morality, see scientific well-being, among a plethora of other asinine questions about Yeshua of Nazareth, near-death experiences, and on-and-on. Rest assured, many more posts are to come on such subjects.

Finally, I value reasoned discourse not belligerent proselytizing. I am well seasoned in the linguistics, traditions, and arguments of faith. I need no Sunday School discourses on the "Roman Road" or how I  should or should not consider an experience of god. Respect these boundaries, and as Twain says, "I [will] not interfere with [your] religion." And ultimately, if there be just gods, I hardly imagine my eternity or the eternities of most every individual I know to be in any danger at all. Still, as a humanist, I prefer the simplicity of my memory and honor living on in the lives of those I've loved and influenced.